Click here to add text.Well, what a shit show today turned out to be.

 

I went in ready to be the villain.

Ready to lie.

Ready to cut him off so he could move on.

 

And instead?

 

He cried.

 

Proper cried.

Not sniffles — the full emotional collapse.

 

And before I could even open my mouth to say the words I’d rehearsed, he dropped the bomb:

If I leave him, he’ll end it.

 

So there I was, sat across from him, in pain, exhausted, bones screaming, lungs barely working — and suddenly responsible for keeping a grown man alive.

 

I didn’t get to say I was seeing someone else.

I didn’t get to be the villain.

I didn’t get to draw a line.

 

I just sat there thinking:

How the hell did I end up here?

How is this my responsibility when I can barely stand?

 

And then, because the universe loves to add extra bullshit on top of bullshit, I could barely walk when I stood up to leave. The pneumonia, the chemo, the bone pain — it all hit at once. He offered me a lift to Mum’s, and I took it because I genuinely couldn’t manage the walk.

 

And then there’s me, climbing into his car like a pathetic wet rag, and PAYING him cos he cant afford it .

 

Who does that?

 

Only me.

Only this walking disaster of a woman who can’t even successfully break up with someone without turning into Florence fucking Nightingale, grief counsellor, and charity case all in one.

 

So now I’m home, lying here aching head to toe, trying to figure out what the hell my next move is. Because:

 

✔ I can’t be with him.

✔ I don’t love him.

✔ But I absolutely cannot have his death on my conscience.

✔ And I can’t carry his emotional weight when I’m literally fighting for my life.

 

I’m screwed.

Absolutely screwed.

 

And my bones feel like they’ve been filled with broken glass.

And my chest feels like I’ve swallowed an elephant.

And I’m paying taxi fares to the man I tried (and failed) to break up with.

 

Honestly…

What even is my life?

 

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my bed, aching, stressing, and trying to plot my next move without accidentally causing a mental health crisis.