The Results That Changed Everything

I’d had bloods done, and a sample taken from the lymph node near my groin.

I knew something was wrong — you always know — but hearing it out loud still hit like a punch to the chest.

They told me metastasis had been found.

The cancer had spread.

This time… to my bowels.

I remember just staring at the doctor, like if I didn’t blink, the words wouldn’t settle into my skin. But they did.

I was told I would need aggressive chemo and radiotherapy.

Not gentle.

Not “let’s just try this.”

Aggressive.

It’s strange how your whole life can shift in a single sentence.

One moment you’re trying to navigate heartbreak, guilt, and trauma…

And the next, you’re right back in the fight for your life.

I was on my own when they told me.

Sitting there, trying to listen, trying to make sense of the words. I didn’t even cry — not at first. I just sat there thinking, I’ll be okay… I have to be okay.

But deep down, another part of me whispered something darker:

Karma’s got me by the balls.

This is my lesson. She will make me pay

It felt like every mistake, every bad decision, every moment I’d hurt someone… had finally come back to collect. And instead of tears, all I felt was this heavy, resigned acceptance — like I somehow deserved it.

I knew this was going to be gruelling — painful in ways I couldn’t even imagine yet. And a part of me, the broken part, kept whispering that I deserved it. That this was punishment I’d earned.